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Pulling Out Life by ~GwenavhyeurAnastasia:iconGwenavhyeurAnastasia:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Narrative > Open


Sun beating down
Turn transparent coverings to flame
Popping with freckles
Tunes soaking the air
Sweat absorbed by starving ground
End the drought
Pulling tears

Deer prints stamped into mud
Fresh as the bare breeze
Branches swaying
Shade so far from
Pulling deeds

Wild onions found littering
Piling up as rage drains away while
Pulling weeds.
©2008 ~GwenavhyeurAnastasia
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Submitted: May 15
File Size: 530 bytes
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Comments: 7
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Author's Comments

I love the descriptions of this... though it may lack emotion. One of the last poems I'll write until I'm in a happier mood. Drop a comment. Must say I'm proud that it's not as emo as some of my previous submissions. :)
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=Unaccompanied-me:iconUnaccompanied-me: Jun 22, 2008, 11:38:28 PM
The sensory words you use, especially the verbs, really make the descriptions vivid-er. Or more vivid... whatever you prefer. Also, I like the pulling repetition line, that was quite good.

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I'm no expert, so take the above with a grain of salt.


~writeaway*PoetryPlease*The-Literati~The-Last-Stanza
~GwenavhyeurAnastasia:iconGwenavhyeurAnastasia: Jun 22, 2008, 11:42:49 PM
I think this is one of my best critiques in a while. Thanks for telling me what you liked about it. :) Very helpful.

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=Unaccompanied-me:iconUnaccompanied-me: Jun 22, 2008, 11:47:36 PM
I really usually attempt to do so... Either I focus on the structure or the words or the ideas... if I decide I want to do all of them, fear God, because you WILL get a comment of more than four paragraphs...lol

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I'm no expert, so take the above with a grain of salt.


~writeaway*PoetryPlease*The-Literati~The-Last-Stanza
~GwenavhyeurAnastasia:iconGwenavhyeurAnastasia: Jun 22, 2008, 11:51:45 PM
lol that's fine with me. I love getting critiqued and hearing what someone has to say, all of it, good or bad. :D helps me know what not to do next time, or what TO do. can be very annoying when someone just says "I like it" or "I hate it" and won't explain.

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=Unaccompanied-me:iconUnaccompanied-me: Jun 22, 2008, 11:53:42 PM
Oh, yeah, I totally agree with that... which is why I try to leave SOMETHING intelligent... I'm trying to start a trend here, hehe...

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I'm no expert, so take the above with a grain of salt.


~writeaway*PoetryPlease*The-Literati~The-Last-Stanza
~GwenavhyeurAnastasia:iconGwenavhyeurAnastasia: Jun 22, 2008, 11:54:58 PM
Hope it catches on. :D

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[link] Join The-Literati today!
**DO NOT GIVE HUGS WITHOUT PERMISSION OF...**
[link] Don't even think about clicking it. :|
=Unaccompanied-me:iconUnaccompanied-me: Jun 22, 2008, 11:55:44 PM
:D

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I'm no expert, so take the above with a grain of salt.


~writeaway*PoetryPlease*The-Literati~The-Last-Stanza
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